7 Of The Mistakes Both Men And Women Make While Dating Online
Let’s face it: much of your Match.com time probably takes place after
11 pm on a weeknight while you’re just in underwear and eating Ben
& Jerry’s straight from the pint while flirting with attractive
strangers. Because of this, it can be easy to forget that the goal of
your pursuit is to actually meet people in real life and for that
meeting to be successful.
That’s hard work, though.
Fortunately, you can instantly enhance your online dating life
without having to leave your house by making sure you haven’t fallen
prey to these seven common mistakes in online dating:
1. You’re lying or misrepresenting yourself.
It’s common for people to post pictures on their profiles that
flatter them but look nothing like how they really look in real life.
That’s all well and good as long as you never meet that person, but
isn’t that kind of the point? How can you have a successful first date
with someone if you don’t look like who he agreed to meet? Change your
picture to one that looks like you and you’ll attract people who are
interested. You’d certainly expect the same courtesy of others.
A lot of people misrepresent themselves in other ways, too. For
example, if you are a smoker who has no intention of quitting, make it
clear on your profile that you smoke — you want a partner who’s okay
with that. Do you really want to go to the trouble of meeting someone
who won’t be interested he know’s the truth?
If someone is going to immediately lose interest when the real you
emerges, the entire pursuit becomes a waste of both people’s time.
Refrain from other needless lies like saying you spent your weekends
climbing mountains or running marathons when you actually spend 99
percent of them out drinking with your friends.
You are not online dating to attract as many people as possible —
you’re there to attract someone who’s right for you, which will never
happen if you misrepresent yourself. Confidence is one of the most
attractive traits a person can offer, so get out there and be
unapologetically you.
2. You’re not disclosing your intentions.
People are online dating for all kinds of different reasons. Maybe
you just got out of a long-term relationship and you just want to get
back in the game but aren’t looking for something serious or maybe,
you’re looking for Mr. Right. Whatever it is, it’s not a bad idea to be
explicit about it. This will show confidence because you’re not afraid
of the rejection, and it acts as an automatic filter for people who
aren’t looking for the same things as you are.
3. You’re airing your dirty laundry.
We all have relationship baggage. It’s one thing to be honest about
what you’re looking for and another to publicly announce that you would
rather not date a cheating b*tch again. People like to surround
themselves with positivity and are turned off by those who seem to have
issues to work out. Plus, writing something on your profile about a past
relationship shows an incredible lack of social tact, which is
unattractive. If you can’t write your profile or get through a first
date without mentioning your ex, you might need to take some time to
yourself before trying to navigate the dating world.
4. You’re not being specific enough about yourself.
In another effort to cast a wide net, you omit quirky things about
yourself in your profile like that polka band that you’ve traveled to
see a dozen times, your love for World of Warcraft, your addiction to
reality TV or your position as president of the Cyndi Lauper Fan Club.
Obviously, you don’t need to post the most embarrassing things about
you for the world to see, but if it’s something that most of your
social circle knows and is a big part of who you are, you should put it
on your profile. The right person will love those things about you.
Common areas of “not enough information syndrome”:
Musical preferences. Instead of saying “I listen to
everything,” try being specific. You’ll stand out from the crowd and
instantly have a more interesting profile.
Hobbies. If you have trouble with this, spend a few days,
including a weekend and weekdays and write down everything you do in
your spare time. You might not realize that you spend 2 hours reading
blogs on Saturday mornings or an hour on the phone on Sundays catching
up with friends. What you do with most of your time says a lot about
what’s important to you. Let dating prospects know about it.
Generic-isms. Certain portions of your profile do not list
specific things, like hobbies or music, but instead, provide a sense of
who you are. Whatever you do, make those parts of your profile stand
out. Instead of “there’s a lot more to me than meets the eye,” say
something about a specific quality that many people don’t know about
you.
5. You’re narrowing your search too much (women).
When you first start online dating, you’ll be overwhelmed by the possibilities
“you
mean I can filter for ONLY guys who are taller than 6′ 2″, who are
Catholic, who like dogs, hate cats, have green eyes and blonde hair, who
don’t smoke and have never been married and don’t have kids?!” Yes, you can, but this doesn’t mean your should.
Have you ever ended up dating someone who you never thought you’d
date because he didn’t fit your criteria? If so, you probably got to
know him and realized that you were great together, even if he wasn’t
exactly what you thought you wanted on paper. Next time you’re online,
try to keep an open mind by getting rid of some or all of your filters
and see what you find. You might be surprised.
6. You’re not narrowing your search enough (men).
Men and women definitely date online in different ways. While women
tend to be too choosy, men tend not to be choosy enough. Think about
what compels you to send someone a message. If your only criterion is
that she is hot, start narrowing your search. “Attractive” can only take
you so far in a relationship with someone. If you can’t handle being
around her because she is too annoying, loud, quiet, intellectual or
dumb, then the whole endeavor will be a waste of your time.
7. You’re getting distracted.
People embark on online dating with the best intentions to find a
partner. But, then the emails start pouring in. You go on a date with a
perfectly decent and attractive person, but you received four new emails
while you were on that single date! How can you commit to this person,
when an even better one might land in your inbox tomorrow? Next thing
you know, you’ve been online dating for a year and you haven’t gone on
more than 2 dates with the same person.
I know it’s difficult, but keep your goal in mind. Why did you sign
up for online dating in the first place? What were you looking for? If
you’re still looking for the same thing, evaluate your process and
decide whether that will get you closer to your goal. You won’t have the
chance to meet every eligible person in the world (or even your entire
city) before deciding with whom to pursue a real relationship, so learn
when to stop the dating conveyor belt.
